guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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