we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
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we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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