So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
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I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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