when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
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Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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