life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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