i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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