I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
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Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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