people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I will be naked everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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