Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
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sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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