Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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