Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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