i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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