It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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