Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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