Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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