Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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