the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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