hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize