He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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