I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize