After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
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I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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