Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Who died my cat blue again?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize