Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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