well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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