he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize