I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize