My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
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The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
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I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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