so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize