No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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