my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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