Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
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the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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