Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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