Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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