My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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