I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
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It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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