oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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