So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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