So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
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On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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