how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize