but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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