You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize