You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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