I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize