Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize