I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
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i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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