She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
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I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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