pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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