The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
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One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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