I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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