Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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